Asperger Wife


A place of support for women married to men with Asperger's Syndrome 

Welcome    

     I am an Asperger wife, married for over 13 years to a man who has Asperger Syndrome.     I had known my husband, Steve, for six years when we wed.  At that time, all I saw was a quiet, rather quirky, reserved, and polite man whose company I enjoyed. 

     We spent endless hours together as companions and got along very well as friends.    I knew there was something a bit different about him, but I had no idea what it was exactly.    

     You see, Asperger Syndrome was never even heard of in my world when my husband and I were dating, so it was the farthest thing from my mind when considering marrying  him.  I never even knew anyone with autism and no one in my family had it.    (I now know I am an NT (neurotypical)  married to an AS. ) 

     When you don't know what it is you're fighting, you can't possibly know how to deal with it.  I wrestled for years with some unknown presence that seemed to affect every aspect of our relationship.  Those years in the dark, left me with feelings of self-doubt, insecurity, and total worthlessness.  I cried many nights, thinking it was something awful about me that caused my husband's rejection, when in reality, it was AS.

   I'm normally a very private person, but one day I was reminded that what we learn through our trials should not be wasted, but used, instead, to help others.    That is one of the reasons I started this website.  I want to help other women who are married to men with AS, by offering a place for them to share their frustrations, fears, and hurts.  Many Asperger Wives are isolated and have no friends or family in whom they can confide, so I want them to know they are welcome here.

   I also share in my Blog what life is like living with a man with AS.  I am not an expert on Asperger's and can only speak from my own experience.  There are many other websites that can give you information on the subject of AS itself.  This website is mainly to provide support and a shoulder to lean on when someone finds themselves hurting in an NT/AS relationship.  

    You are welcome to join in the forum or blog discussions.  There are just two rules when commenting: 1.  No profanity or cussing and, 2.  Please use the Golden Rule.

     Thank you for visiting.  

     Wishing you a life that's blessed. 

     Sincerely,           

    Asperger Wife

 Please note:  The names used have been changed to protect our privacy and to not cause embarrassment to my husband or others.

 

Asperger's Syndrome - The Basics

   Asperger syndrome (AS) is a developmental disorder--an autism spectrum disorder (ASD), one of a distinct group of neurological conditions characterized by a greater or lesser degree of impairment in language and communication skills, as well as repetitive or restrictive patterns of thought and behavior.  Unlike children with autism, children with AS retain their early language skills.

     The most distinguishing symptom of AS is a child?s obsessive interest in a single object or topic to the exclusion of any other.  Children with AS want to know everything about their topic of interest and their conversations with others will be about little else.  Their expertise, high level of vocabulary, and formal speech patterns make them seem like little professors.  Other characteristics of AS include repetitive routines or rituals; peculiarities in speech and language; socially and emotionally inappropriate behavior and the inability to interact successfully with peers; problems with non-verbal communication; and clumsy and uncoordinated motor movements.

     Children with AS are isolated because of their poor social skills 

and narrow interests.  They may approach other people, but make normal conversation impossible by inappropriate or eccentric behavior, or by wanting only to talk about their singular interest.    

    Children with AS usually have a history of developmental delays in motor skills such as pedaling a bike, catching a ball, or climbing outdoor play equipment.   They are often awkward and poorly coordinated with a walk that can appear either stilted or bouncy.   Many children with AS are often bullied by their peers. 

General Characteristics of Aspies

People with Asperger's...

  1. May be visual thinkers and learners.
  2. Are very literal in their thoughts and interpretations
  3. Have average to above average IQ's
  4. May have strong verbal skills
  5. Are routine oriented and rule-based in their behavior
  6. Are not flexible in their thinking
  7. May have difficulty socializing with others
  8. Obsess around their favorite things and interests
  9. Have difficulty understanding another's point of view and ideas
  10. Have difficulty reading the behavior of others
  11. Experience difficulty in making or keeping eye contact
  12. Are uncoordinated and dislike physical activity including sports
  13. Are very vulnerable to stress and high levels of anxiety
  14. Find emotions difficult to express, discuss,  or understand
  15. Have sensory integration difficulties and seek sensory stimulation and input


People with Asperger's may display some or all  
of the following characteristics:

  1. Socially awkward
  2. Naive and gullible (easy target for bullies)
  3. Often unaware of others' feelings
  4. Limited play and leisure skills
  5. Unusually accurate memory for details
  6. Difficulty with sleeping or eating
  7. Trouble with organizational skills
  8. Easily upset by changes in routines
  9. Unusual and very intense areas of interests
  10. Lack peer and friendship establishment
  11. Limited or immature conversation skills (difficulties with give and take)
  12. Unusual or conflicting body language or facial expressions, e.g., smiling when
    telling something sad

  13. Unusual speech patterns (repetitive and/or irrelevant remarks)
  14. Unusually loud, high or monotone voice or stilted manner of speaking
  15. Difficulty managing stress, frustration                                            

An NT/AS relationship may be difficult, 

but it can work if both parties are willing to put forth the effort.



This is what the past is for! Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives is the perfect preparation for the future that only He can see.”
Corrie ten Boom, The Hiding Place

Did you know?

  • Actress Daryl Hannah was "blacklisted" from Hollywood because she suffered from Asperger's Syndrome.  She was diagnosed with AS early in her career and admits it almost ruined her professional life because she was so nervous of doing promotions as it involved talking to lots of people.  She never went on talk shows, never went to premieres and going to the Academy Awards were painful for her that she'd almost faint just walking down the red carpet.  She was so socially awkward and uncomfortable that it led to her eventually getting blacklisted.

  • According to estimates from the National Institutes of Health, two out of 10,000 children have Asperger Syndrome, which sits on the autism spectrum of disorders. However, AS wasn't widely known until the 1980s.

  •  While there's no cure, effective therapeutic treatments have emerged to help patients with Asperger's maintain independent lives.

  • There's an 80% unemployment rate for those with AS because of the challenges with social skills and sensory issues.
Some well-known people suspected of having Asperger's are:                                                                            

                                       
 






WE DON'T SEE THINGS AS THEY ARE; WE SEE THEM AS WE ARE. 

--Anais Nin

 

TAKE MY HAND FOR AWHILE (as sung by Buffy St. Marie)


Take my hand for a while
Explain it to me once again
Just for the sake
Of my broken heart
Look into my eyes
And maybe I will understand
How love I counted on
Was never there
You see, I thought
That you might love me
So you caught me, it seems
Off balance with a heart so full
Of love and pretty dreams
That two should share
And so, I know
But please before you go
Take my hand for a while
Explain it to me once again
Just for the sake
Of my broken heart


What God Has Promised

  by: Annie Johnson Flint

God has not promised skies always blue,
Flower-strewn pathways all our lives through;
God has not promised sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.

God has not promised  we shall not know,  

Toil and temptation, trouble and woe;

He has not told us we shall not bear

Many a burden, many a care.

But God has promised strength for the day,
Rest for the laborer, light for the way,
Grace for the trials, help from above,
Unfailing sympathy, undying love.

 

STRESS IS WHEN YOU WAKE UP SCREAMING 

AND REALIZE YOU HAVEN'T FALLEN ASLEEP YET. 

 

IT MATTERS TO ME - as sung by Faith Hill

Baby tell me where'd you ever learn
To fight without sayin' a word
Then waltz back into my life
Like it's all gonna be alright
Don't you know how much it hurts

When we don't talk

When we don't touch
When it doesn't fell like we're even in love
It matters to me

When I don't know what to say

Don't know what to do
Don't know if it really even matters to you
How can I make you see
It matters to me

Maybe I still don't understand
The distance between a woman and a man
So tell me how far it is
And how you can love like this
'Cause I'm not sure I can

When we don't talk

When we don't touch
When it doesn't fell like we're even in love
It matters to me

When I don't know what to say

Don't know what to do
Don't know if it really even matters to you
How can I make you see
It matters to me

Disclaimer: This website is subject to copyright.  You may not copy or re-post any original content of this website without the written consent of the website owner.  The website owner does not claim to own or have any rights to the music, graphics, and lyrics used to enhance the website.  

Take My Hand For A While
Buffy Sainte-Marie (The Best Of Buffy Sainte-Marie)
-2:32